


Misery

by Enjolrataire



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, I think?, M/M, but there's hurt/comfort, it's just kinda sad, so there's that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-16
Updated: 2014-03-16
Packaged: 2018-01-15 23:33:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1323409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enjolrataire/pseuds/Enjolrataire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Enjolras finds a letter from Grantaire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Misery

Enjolras entered the café just as Grantaire turned to leave. "Grantaire, where are you going?"

Grantaire shrugged his shoulders. "Not sure." He continued walking as Enjolras turned to do what he came for.

Enjolras, despite there being people getting paid to do it, usually tried to clean the place up a bit so it would be presentable the next time he called the amis in for a meeting. He was picking up what he could only assume we're Grantaire's empty bottles when he noticed something sticking out of the top of one of them. 

Enjolras narrowed his eyes and took it out variously. 

He opened it and skimmed over the first line. 

_Enjolras._  


It was a letter. To him. From Grantaire, he guessed. Aside from the obvious, the handwriting looked very familiar to him. 

 

_Enjolras,_

_I don't want to deny that there is something between us, but I also don't want to believe in a delusion. I don't know that we have anything at all, and maybe it's just in the way you treat me so differently than the others that I see things. You seem to see something in me that all the others do not. You see past my sarcasm and reckless habits and you seem to see a real person. As I have stated, I don't know if I am living in a delusion or if there really is more between us. I want to believe there is something more._

_I have always admired you, Enjolras. You are a strong and passionate leader and I am nothing but a fool. But that is where my hope comes from, the fact that you see past that. I am the unintelligible drunkard and you are the great fearless leader. We're polar opposites yet I cling on to the hope that through our differences we could somehow complete each other. Were you to search for me, I couldn't tell you where I was. I do not know where I am going or where I plan to go. Wherever the bottle takes me, I suppose. I do hope that you will search for me, if I can be honest with even myself. You were the only one that made me feel like more than a joke._

_And maybe it is less you and more who I take you to be that fills my consciousness until the early hours. Whatever this may or may not be, I hope that we can maintain what we have, whether it is everything my hopeless mind has made it seem or nothing at all. Come the end, and I must be again be honest with myself, I would sooner die by your side than subject myself to a life without your presence._

_I do not know where I go from here, Enjolras. I just know that I have confessed my innermost thoughts, something a fool such as me could only ever dare to merely consider._

_Be well, Enjolras._

  
_R._   


 

Enjolras's throat burned. It stung when he swallowed. His jaw tensed and he blinked rapidly. 

Enjolras didn't know that there _was_ anything between them, apart from a few of his own repressed feelings. 

With the revolution afoot, he had no time for relationships of any kind and felt it was best that he forced the thoughts from his head and pushed down his emotions. 

Whatever outcome awaited him, he just knew that, in that moment, he had to find Grantaire. Gripping the letter tightly, he made his way towards the streets. Grantaire couldn't have made it too far. 

When he found Grantaire- and thank God he sound him- he was staring absent-mindedly at the nothingness before him, his eyes glazed over from the alcohol he had been consuming. 

Enjolras sat in front of Grantaire, filling his entire view. "Grantaire."

Grantaire didn't respond. He continued looking straight ahead, seeing right past Enjolras, right through him. He seemed to be struggling to keep his eyes open.

Enjolras placed his hand gently on Enjolras's shoulder, making him jump. 

Grantaire gasped and his eyes widened before he realised what was going on. "Oh, hi Enj."

Any other time Enjolras would correct him with a firm, "Enjolras," but he saw no use in doing so now.

"Hi. I found your letter."

Grantaire grunted. "Sorry."

Enjolras moved his hand, resting it on his own leg. "Don't be sorry. You've said everything I've been trying to repress."

Grantaire searched Enjolras's eyes for something- anything. Trust, defeat, anything but the raw feeling his eyes seemed to display. 

Enjolras pulled himself off the ground and repositioned himself beside Grantaire. He lied his hand gently on top of Grantaire's. "You feel cold."

Grantaire smiled weakly. "Inside and out."

Enjolras rested his head on Grantaire's shoulder, feeling the heave of his ragged breathing.

Enjolras squeezed Grantaire's hand an intertwined their fingers. 

Grantaire let his head rest atop Enjolras's. "What is this?"

Enjolras shifted slightly. "Hmm?"

"What does this mean?"

Enjolras exhaled slowly. "I don't know. But whatever it is, I like it."

Grantaire chuckled quietly, his shoulders shifting with his breath. "It is nice."

"We can't stay out here all night."

Grantaire straightened his back and cleared his throat. "I've done it before."

"Well you're not going it tonight." Enjolras nudged Grantaire's head off of his and stood, bringing Grantaire with him. "The streets is no place for someone like you."

"What do you mean 'someone like me'?" Grantaire knew it was useless to get cross with Enjolras. He knew he meant no harm and that his perception was impaired. 

"Someone I care about."

"Oh." Grantaire dropped his defences. He didn't need to have them up around Enjolras, anyway. 

Enjolras squeezed Grantaire's hand gently. "Come on." He swung their hands lightly as Grantaire stumbled lightly by his side. 

In that moment, Grantaire felt, for the first time in a long time, that life wasn't all that bad and that maybe, just maybe, he could make it through. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is technically the first piece of writing I've done for this fandom ((and the first official writing piece I've done in like two years whoops)) but I was torn on whether I should even post it because it's kind of morose. But, as you can see, I did post it.


End file.
